No help for the helpless

Not referring to the Shaggy song but my wife likes to intentionally watch videos about how to deal with NPD. this time I listened a tad. The video states that those with NPD need constant attention to themselves. This made me think. I really don’t need anyone. I can survive without human contact for a while if necessary. I can even live without my phone. My wife on the other hand needs constant attention. She always feels the need to have to talk to somebody. And gets upset if they don’t talk or agree with her. Am I still the one that is narcissistic?

I don’t like when my wife asks me how was my day. Why? Because a simple answer is never enough for her.
I come home from work and I am tired. I want to relax in my castle. But her simple question turns into 20 questions and if I say I am tired, she says I am stonewalling and blaming my NPD for me acting this way. At no time does she step back to wonder what I am feeling.
Today I felt my wife was using my NPD as a way to punch me in the gut and say I am seriously flawed. It feels like an attack on my manhood. But it wasn’t just today. It happens often. It has happened throughout our marriage.
These days everyone want to label others to attack them, and label themselves to be able to play the victim card. I feel this is the case here.

So, my wife says I lack empathy and that is another trait of NPD.
REALLY?
I don’t think I lack empathy. I think that I just don’t care! She irritates the hell out me. She expects me to have feelings and that I should express myself verbally about everything she says. When I don’t, I am “being abusive”. The more I think about it…..if I have NPD, it is because of her. I hardly have issues with anyone else. (Oh wait, if I blame her about anything, it further proves I have NPD, SMH!) And luckily for me, I don’t live with those that annoy me just as much. I can just walk away from them.

Is it too much to ask for peace and quiet when I come home? She stays home all day. I work all day where I have to communicate a lot with others. By the time I get home, I am exhausted. But she says I am showing my NPD and being abusive by ignoring her and her feelings.
I just can’t win.

No. We do not know we are narcissists. It isn’t until something goes very wrong do we think there is anything wrong with us. The fault is never ours. If it is, we’ll find a way to change that. It takes someone close to us that has studied a bit about it to let us know. And that is when we gaslight. We will make you think you are messed up in the head to fit our reality, our perception of how our worlds are. Accept the fact that unless you can deal with it, you need to get out of the relationship as early as you can. In fact it is best if you make him or her beak up with you. That way the NPD person feels they have won and won’t seek revenge.
We don’t get better, we only become aware. That gives the impression we are getting better but all we are doing is managing our symptoms. 

I have more to say. I just started this blog . But since I don’t have likes or thumbs up to feed my ego, it is hard to stay interested in it. But I will try. 

It is a lonely and difficult life. We are best staying single. Best for everyone involved.

Discussed me moving out to reduce stress on the wife. Ever since the current lawsuit against me we have been fighting. But I am sure this is the result the claimant was looking for too. Wife has had health issues as a result. The best thing seems is to move out for her sake. She didn’t even argue about it. Now we just need to discuss this as a family.
I really don’t want to leave, but the stress is killing us both. Literally.

When I was diagnosed with NPD, I felt like I was kicked in the chest. All this time I thought people around me was the problem and I still feel that way….but I now have to look within…..

Legal issues, infidelity, marriage problems and domestic abuse. These are some of the signs of someone with NPD and I had/have them all.

I always thought the world was against me. intentionally not trying to understand me. That everyone else was the asshole. I still feel that way because outside my home I know how to put on the facade of a good person even when i am in a bad mood.

I have researched about NPD after being diagnosed over a year ago. Everything online makes me more depressed. Everything says the NPD person needs to be avoided like the plague. If you are in a relationship with one, run away. I have only found one video so far about how to help the NPD person, but even that was extremely negative against people like me. My relationship with my wife has been tumultuous since the beginning. yet while with the woman i had an affair with for 4 years, it was probably the best relationship I ever had in my life. so if I can have a long relationship with someone how is it that I am to blame in my marriage?

Goal:

The goal of this blog is to connect with folks who have been diagnosed but really want to “get better”. I also want to connect with folks who are in relationships with those that are NPD and seemingly have a successful relationship (but this might be rare). Many folks may not know their partners have NPD. If you suspect it, you should carefully, gently get that person some help. Start the process by doing couples therapy with a therapist that is an expert on NPD.
Please disregard spelling and other grammatical mistakes. WordPress doesn’t automatically fix them like Microsoft Office does.

2019-11-13:
Why should I expect to have to deal with shame if I make a mistake? It is better to apologize and move on in my opinion than to let shame eat at your soul. Stress like that kills people….especially at my age. My wife says I am afraid to deal with shame…..but that is not the case. Time dwelt on shame is time lost. To me it sounds like she WANTS me to suffer and die of a heart attack due to the stress.